A Catholic Couple’s Guide to Navigating the Church’s Pre-Cana Requirements
Today, I’m tackling one of the most frequently asked questions about Catholic marriage prep! That is:
I’m meeting with our priest, or deacon, tomorrow for the first time. What do I need to know?!
I sat down with my favorite deacon, my dad, a few weeks ago to hear his answer first-hand. With so much going on as you plan your wedding, the nuances of Catholic marriage prep seem daunting, but hopefully this blog can put you at ease!
Take a breath
The first thing, there is no reason to fret going into this meeting! It’s a beautiful thing that you’re looking to get married in the Catholic church. If you don’t already know your parish’s marriage prep coordinator, then this is where you get to develop your relationship. For simplicity, I’ll assume you’re meeting with your pastor, but sometimes you might meet with your deacon or a lay person in the early stages. Your first meeting is more about starting the process, rather than qualifying yourself – that comes later.
If you need to prepare, then come ready to discuss you and your fiancé’s faith background, relationship, and any potential barriers to your marriage prep (more on that later). However, since it’s just the first step of many, it’s more about voicing your intent to marry at this point.
But what about the date?
Everything revolves around your wedding date! Since all of our guests had to travel for our wedding, we had a very specific date in mind to accommodate the many schedules. Of course, you want to confirm this date with your church before you book any other vendors, but you probably won’t be able to set the wedding Mass at this first meeting. Your priest will likely want to wait until you’re farther into the process to ensure that you’re both free to marry with the proper intentions. When you meet with your priest, he’ll walk you through your parish’s requirements and have to fill out some forms. These forms will cover your background, marriage intentions, and other basic information.
Note: For any situation besides two practicing non-cohabitating Catholics, it’s considered an irregular status and may require additional preparation. Please contact your priest if this applies!
Catholic marriage prep basics
As you go through this process, remember that your priest wants your marriage to succeed. After 2,000 years, The Church has a beautiful understanding of good and holy marriages. Pre-Cana curriculum is ordered towards cultivating thriving and loving marriages. The specifics of your church may differ, but you can generally expect a combination of the items below.
FOCCUS Questionnaire
An extensive inventory of your expectations, habits, personality, etc. Both you and your fiancé will take this survey. After your inventory is scored, your priest will go through the areas where you as a couple have different answers or there may be a misunderstanding of the Catholic faith.
Retreat
Some churches require a retreat somewhere in their marriage prep. Engaged Encounter is the most popular option. Like all vocations, marriage requires significant prayer. This retreat allows you to spend extra time in contemplation while learning about healthy relationship fundamentals from other married couples.
Theology of the Body
Stemming St. John Paul the Great’s Wednesday lectures, Theology of the Body teachings center on each and every person’s human dignity. His instructions communicate how to live out chastity in your specific vocation, while working with God’s design for human fertility.
Natural Family Planning
An introductory course to understand naturally occurring fertile signs in a women’s cycle so couples can achieve or postpone pregnancy. There are several methods to choose from based on your lifestyle, health, and fertility. If you are unsure of where to start, you can take this quiz to find the right method for you!
Married Couple Mentors
Meet with a married couple to understand what they have learned firsthand in marriage. This is the perfect time to ask all of your questions or simply listen to their insights. Most couples will also maintain contact after your wedding.
Pastoral Counseling
Have a candid conversation with your priest about who you are as a couple, individuals, and The Church’s wisdom on love and marriage. You may have multiple conversations or just one depending on the size of your parish.
Is all of this worth it?
Short answer? Yes! It might seem like the list is never ending between classes, forms, and counseling. However, you’re building the foundation of your married life. It’s so worthwhile to approach Pre-Cana with intentionality to create a strong and joyful marriage.
With all of these requirements, you can expect the process to take between six and twelve months. Of course, there are always extenuating circumstance which may shorten or prolong this time. It’s best to reach out as early as possible.
For further reading about Catholic marriage prep
Congratulations! Engagement is a wonderful time of growth as a couple. If you’re interesting in learning more about Catholic marriage prep or want to find additional resources, I’ve linked some of my favorite references below.
Retreats and Reading Materials
And if you’re looking for vendors who support not just your wedding day, but your marriage, The Catholic Bridal Collective has all types of vendors ready to serve you! As a Catholic wedding photographer, my goal is to help you have a dream wedding day AND a beautiful marriage. You can find out more about how I cater to Catholic couples on their wedding day and more by going to my wedding page!
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